Fem-anger unfold -010
Introduction
The concept of marriage and the marital rape lies everywhere in a different dimensions across the world. Why is the idea of being in a marriage so important to our society? Sometimes I feel like, we as a society have a habit of brushing the important topic under the carpet, closing our eyes won’t make the problems disappear.
Marriage and Marital Rape
Marriage should be an individual’s choice rather than being a necessity. India already criminalised all types of social abuse on wives. It just that they haven/t mentioned it as “rape” specifically and technically. It is also perfectly legal, well across the world to molest a woman as long as it is in marriage.
I fully acknowledge the fact that if law against the marriage and the marital rape comes into force there are high chances that it would be misused since there would be no legit proof of the adult as it a very intimate affair, there is a possibility of fake allegations. But it doesn’t for once change the fact that “marital rape” really is happening it’s a reality a lot of people live in. Therefore discussing the problem would help in at least starting a conversation about it, which would ultimately help in finding a way out, a law which would help us in finding a middle ground, which won’t be misused and at the same time help the actual victim.
All of this would only happen when we start discussion the problem, instead of blatantly ignoring its very existence. And of course our judiciary is inefficient and there is an urgent need of improvement, that it’s high time we focus on making our judiciary more effective and efficient. Sex is something that is expected in marriages. Even the courts can declare the marriage as void if no intercourse has occurred.
According to common Indian people’s philosophy, women should be capable of tolerating any harassment in a married life and sexual pleasure is a husband’s right even if it is happening without wife’s consent or forcefully.
The NFHS
As per the national family health survey -2019-2021, 53% of the unemployed women witness marital rape while 26 % of employed women also witness it.
Factors of Marital Rape
Marital rape is a complex issue with many contributing factors, including,
Power and control
Marital rape is often about power and control, rather than sexual gratification. They may use it to intimidate, humiliate, or punish their wives. They may also do this to gain a sense of power and control over their own wives.
Misogyny
Marital rape is often rooted in misogyny. They view women as inferior to men, or as objects to be used and controlled.
Sexual entitlement
They may believe that they have a right to have sex with their wives, regardless of consent. This belief may be grown by cultural norms that endorse male sexual entitlement and female sexual passivity.
Substance mistreatment
Alcohol and drug bring into play an impair result and increase the possibility of sexual violence. However, substance mistreatment is not an explanation for marital rape.
Sexual intimacy
Sexual closeness is an important feature of many marriages, as it can put in to emotional closeness and liking within the relationship. However, the importance of sex in a marriage varies from one couple to another. Some couples prioritize sexual intimacy, while others may place more emphasis on emotional connection, communication, trust, and other aspects of their partnership. What’s critical is that both partners in a marriage should exchange a few words openly and sincerely about their wants and expectations. Working together to find a balance that ensures a healthy and fulfilling marriages life for both parties.
Pavitra Vishta (sacred relationship)
Marriage is not a pavitra vishta (sacred relationship) at some extend, it is a socially legally accepted phenomenon. Some wants to marry, some don’t, some are happy, majority stay under societal pressure by the marriage and the marital rape. If it a pavitra vishta (sacred relationship), then domestic violence, blame game and many problems never exist.
To Men
What do you presume marital rape is? Having consensual sex? No, raping your wife means freaking beating her, forcing her, making her take you even when she is crying, screaming, begging you to stop and leave her alone. But you don’t stop because it’s your right. Sounds very healthy to you, does it? If this sounds normal, please don’t marry. Please don’t marry and ruin a person’s life if rape seems like normal sex to you.
Marital rape law IPC
Marital rape law IPC is a must for India, if it wants to project itself a modern country. Women are not property!! Individual’s choices are central for a democratic country. The main culprit here is Indian marriage system whose basis is not romantic interest/ mutual connection (like other, western countries) but forced arranged marriage. Whole purpose of the arranged marriage system is to reproduce caste and there by maintain existing social structure. Women are a means to end in this system; thereby they must be subjugated and controlled by patriarchy.
Conclusion
In many families, the children are taught how to compromise, their minds are manipulated in such a way that they feel that taking decisions for their own happiness is a selfish act. The importance of marriage has been drilled in our (generations at large) heads for so long that now it’s almost a part of our genetic mindset. Of course we are also taught to never question traditions, decisions of elders, any norm etc. so if no one will see the problem in regressive customs how will they figure out it is a problem?
Feminist movement around the world are empowering women to report the sexual abuse, no matter how powerful the perpetrator. But India continues to upload a man’s right to rape his wife. Bollywood is one of the biggest reasons why men think they are superior to women. Women need to be aggressive (against such men) and self-sufficient and understand their self worth as human beings (not just live as someone else’s sister, daughter, wife or mother). That’s how things will change for the better.
-Writer.Jerl.
(Contents are Authoress’ own)