Fem-anger unfold- 012
Introduction
In general, men manipulate women to get what they want, to protect their ego. And also to avoid having to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Manipulators need to punish, control, or dominate women. They may be in the hunt for pity or attention, or have other selfish reasons. They might also be trying to change or wear down women in an effort to have their own needs met.
Recognising manipulation for a woman can be difficult because there are cultural, religious and traditional activities deep-rooted. The manipulation is even look like love, care and possessiveness. Over time, manipulation had become the everyday dynamic on women now days. Until you decide it has to stop and put an end to it, the manipulative behaviour on women will certainly continue. This can be challenging for women. They are encouraged to seek support during this process, especially if she is interacting with a chronically manipulative person. This article is an attempt of presenting an eagle eye view of women in “the manipulative society”.
What is Manipulation?
Manipulation is putting into effect of harmful authority over people. Person who manipulate others molest their mental and emotional states to get what they want. The person who has manipulative behaviours is called as the manipulator, who can hunt for situation to create an imbalance of power often unfairly or dishonestly. The word manipulation means, having much to do with using hands: to move or shape something. But this word also has a negative implication that a manipulative person knows how to twist diction, play on emotional and mental states. Being manipulative, deceitful, and guilt-tripping is also called as dark psychology of a human. These behaviours can evident in many ways in connections with people.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological operation. Here the manipulator efforts to sow self-doubt and puzzlement in their sufferer’s mind. Basically gaslighters are seeking to increase their control over the people, by twisting the reality and forcing them to question their own decision and perception. They may feel irrational, unconfident, incompetent or worthless. They are called gaslighters.
Example
An example of manipulation in the form of gaslighting might include phrases like “you are cooking very well”. It may sound like appreciating, but when you pay attention to the detail, a manipulative male needs her to work all the households’. So they will indirectly say “you are cooking very well”, “your cleaning sense is good” etc. Here It is weird that why they never use the phrases like “your office data is outstanding”, “you are very intelligent” etc. Men do this in order to deny any wrongdoing on their part and to assert control over what women think and what she can do.
Marriage
Recognising manipulation among couples can seem to be very difficult. But when a woman feel like questioning her sanity, memories or perception of reality, and when she get to know how the dark psychology works, she can definitely identify it. In a married relationship, the partners need to share all the family hold works together. They need to share the true emotions each other. According to the individual samples and t-tests, it is revealed that male scores significantly higher than females on both forms of emotional manipulation at work and psychopathy.
Rising manipulative situations
- She is so much manipulated that she herself believes that her husband knows everything about financially and technical problems and to manage, but she is only capable of managing the family oriented or household works and taking care of their child. So by that the manipulative husband attains his goal and respect.
- Ego and possessiveness plays role then and there in this case.
- If she doesn’t know a small technical thing, her husband tries to make this situation to feel his wife as dumb. By doing this all the time she herself feels low esteemed in a manipulative married life.
- If she needs to start to earn money he won’t even care about her actions or support her, instead they simply blame at her that she is not able to balance the household and profession.
- A manipulative man makes his wife dependent to him by his manipulative behaviors even she is an independent woman.
- When it comes for a discussion about any issues, the real decision has already done by him. And he make this discussion useless to show her that he is not taking any decision by himself.
- When he had been earning enough money to manage the family he expects her to be a housewife. But when it comes for the financial downfall in the family, he force her to earn money and blame her at the same time for not having any skills and for not giving the financial support for the family.
- There is no gender role while raising a baby in the family. It may be anything like from changing the diaper to make the child sleep at its comfort. Raising a baby and giving the glimpse on the baby growing are definitely not the same acts.
Example
I have never seen a man carrying his baby on the roadside without any hands to help. But I have seen a plenty of women in that state. This is the result of the male partner’s manipulative behaviours in marriage. Hence they meant to prove it as a gender role in a family. Just because she is kind and sensible enough to take care of the baby, it doesn’t mean that she has to take the whole responsibility about the same. The gender role is pure manipulation and not a written statement in our judgemental society.
Friendship
In friendship, a manipulative man/woman will convince you to give up something important to you. Especially when they know your weakness to make you more dependent on them. Here, people will voluntarily share everything about their life and expecting too much from you about the updates of yourself and your family details in your life.
Usually male friends create unwanted sympathy about themselves.That is in order to manipulate you to feel empathetic about them, and it might not a genuine reason (Creating an image in her mind). They try to contact her all the time even though the whole day spent together. They will not let her think about herself and her upgrade point of views. If she doesn’t satisfy their expectations, then they will act weird at times. This is an intentional action just to disturb her balance in friendship. Men will occupy her leisure space in a day by not giving her own time by his clingy behaviors. They seek the attention of her for the entire day. If it is not happened so, they will make her feel guilty for her actions.
Parents
Manipulative parents’ behaviors include,
- Vigorously forcing her to lead a life according to their own experiences. They will never get any idea about her own style of living in their lives. They will neglect the point that she needs to live her own life in her own life in her own way. They always wanted her to play the daughter role than her own role in her life.
- Manipulating her totally to believe that everybody is a bad person than theirselves, and the entire world is negative. And the worst part is, they portray her silence as that she is not capable of talking loud what she really feels. That will make her even more silent.
- They will manipulate a girl child by the thought that to protect her virginity at any cost to save her from the bad name from the society but according to me, virginity lies in the soul not in the body. The protection of virginity is one of the manipulative lie that has been rolled through out the society over centuries.
Manipulation on Passion
Manipulative parents can control her not to do what she really passionate about, just because they think it will never help her in the future, but learning to cook will be helpful. May be she wanted to be an independent woman, but they wanted her to be hold a “god woman” tag in the society. They believe that as a privilege in the relations and the society. Pleasing her parents makes her favorite child in the family- utter manipulation. When she is doing whatever good for her career and passion, then she will immediately she will get “the arrogant woman” tag in the family and relatives. The problem lies in the belief that she loves her parents more only when she is accepting the marriage.
Manipulative men
Manipulative men always try to touch the weakness of women. If someone uses your vulnerabilities, your trust and your compassion as tools to guilt, force you to do something or make you regret speaking up when you feel wronged. You are being manipulated. It takes a bit of both self-reflection and keen observation.
In this judgmental society, the manipulative men will promise many things to you but after they get what they want, they will pretend to be good for a while then slowly their real face will come out. They act nice and try their best to win your trust, but break it very cunningly with a highly believable, yet lame cover story to justify their actions. They “do you a favour,” knowing that you need to “repay the favour,” but the effort and loss to you will be higher than what they did for you. And it probably won’t be in your best interest. They play as victims sometimes to show the society that you ruined their life.
Culture and tradition
In general, the phrase “women should be beautiful” is a perfect manipulative statement on women in the name of culture and tradition. Men in this manipulative culture and tradition are saying “how beautiful she is!” as a complement. But remember WOMEN ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL. They are by the way they are. The word beauty is not meant only for women. The culture and tradition are displaying women as the beautiful creature. Obviously as a result, there are more beauty products for women to be beautiful. This flattery compliment and the expectations initially demolish the accountability of women.
According to me, the deep followers of the so called “culture and tradition” need to stop helping the male chauvinism grow in the society. The culture and tradition only fixed the entry and the exit time for women. Especially it expects submissiveness of women in the society. It is deep seated in the manipulation of the culture in the society. A woman should not only accepted by her love and care. They too have all the emotions especially the filthy society blame women as a bitch when they show anger. The manipulative culture never fails to teach the same in their lives.
Dear traditional people, you should need to know that boundaries and control are not the same. Boundaries are not used to tell other people what they can and cannot do, which would be controlling then. Boundaries are about the actions we are willing to take to keep ourselves safe and healthy.
Conclusion
Remember, People who manipulate you do not love you. If someone continually makes you feel in the above same ways, just observe and follow your burn up instinct when it comes to knowing what is happening. If you suspect people gaslighting you, just pay attention to how you feel after you spend time with them. The manipulators, should remember that, having compassion on a woman in none of your business. In order to avoid the situation, a woman must choose herself everyday even she has more choices daily.
-Writer.jerl.
Contents are authoress’ own.